Dating After 40

300_6134.jpegOk…I’m not quite there yet—what I am finding is that like any age group you need to “put yourself out there” but don’t do it in a way that will scare people off (i.e. have “I’m so desperate!” branded in bold CAPITAL letters across your forehead).  The key I think is just being confident, happy, and at peace with who and what you are.

I found the following article quite useful to those who are ready to enter that decade or are past it:

Dating After 40: How to Overcome the “I’m Too Old to Date” Syndrome

A Life Coach’s Tips to Turn “Hi” Into the Start of a New Relationship

By Kate J. Chase, published Jan 20, 2006For some people, she says the answer may be to join an organization where they are likely to meet others of their own age who may share some of the same interests. But the organization does not have to be a singles group where the express purpose is to meet someone as a potential marriage partner. Instead, mature adults may feel far more comfortable if they join a recreational or discussion group where they can get to know other participants before they make the move to ask someone out socially, says Carolee.

1. Talk to the object of your interest as you would anyone else. Before you ever try to date the person, you want to get to know something about them and simple conversation is one of the best ways to do that.\

2. Don’t immediately ask “red flag” questions such as “Are you married?” and “Would you like to get married again?” Some people hear those questions and immediately turn tail and run.

3. If initial conversations seem to go well, consider trying to get a small group of friends together that includes this person. This, Carolee says, is apt to work better than making an immediate jump from saying hello to “Let’s date with an eye towards marriage.”

4. If the other person indicates a particular passion for hobbies or events like bike rides or going to the movies, you can use this as a springboard by suggesting something like, “I haven’t been bike riding in ages. Any chance you might like to go riding around the park this weekend?”

5. Don’t fret about the fact that you look older than you did the last time you dated. If the other person is in your age range, they probably don’t look 19 anymore either.

6. As you talk with the person, try to avoid falling into the usual traps of complaining about other romantic partners or ex-spouses. Once you do, you can already get the other person wondering, “Uh oh. If I keep seeing him (or her), what’s going to get said about me?”

7. Listen as much as you talk. One of the big problems many nervous date partners engage in is paying far more attention to what they themselves say that they fail to hear what the other person is saying. The more you can keep initial conversations in balance, the more likely you and the other party may hit it off.