Sometimes it’s a relief to complain

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Everyone does it. Every day, several times a day…whether they realize it or not.

We are all under deadlines, unrealistic expectations, boring jobs, difficult relationships, financially strapped….you name it.

When we release our inner-demons of despair it feels good.

Get it off your chest….

Yell it to the hills. Scream if you must.

But in the end find a solution.

Complaining is healthy. If we kept our true feelings bottled inside sooner or later (maybe sooner) the stress reveals its ugly head in your emotional and physical well-being.

Everyone has a right to bitch. There’s no question about it.

However, if all we do is complain about “our lot in life” without formulating a plan then all we are doing is bitching and you can end up either alone or chasing your tail trying to figure out what is what.

I’d rather find a solution than bury my head in the sand.

Integrity comes in many forms

“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.”
Barbara De Angelis

WHY it’s so difficult for some to attain this classical human trait is beyond my own personal realm of understanding…..

Hyprocrisy at its finest

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hy·poc·ri·sy
hiˈpäkrisē/
noun
noun: hypocrisy; plural noun: hypocrisies
The practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform; pretense.
What I can never understand is how people can go around acting in a certain manner but God forbid if you did the exact same thing there’s hell to pay.

I’ve seen various relationships affected by this so-called “double standard” from family, marriages, friendships and yes, even coworkers.

If said individuals cannot get a grip on themselves then it’s best to either discover the root of the problem (if possible) and if solve it.

 
HOW they can justify their behavior and yet criticize you for doing the same is beyond my mental and emotional capacity.

If said person continues to be a toxic element in your life the best (and at least for me…most L.O.G.I.C.A.L. solution is to simply get rid of them by leaving or if forced to interact (such as with a coworker) do so as sparingly as possible–if only to to simply preserve your own precarious sanity.  🙂

(Un)Professionalism in the workplace

We all have to deal with irate coworkers, rude, obnoxious…ill-mannered for 8 hours plus a day. We see these people more than we see our own family and friends!!

Tell me, HOW is it that some of these individuals were able to land a job? They go around intimidating others, using foul language and whatnot.  Perplexes me to the hilt!

And it’s management’s fault to allow this type of behavior to continue.

Is there fear some type of discrimination suit will follow? And why is that? If you are able to document such unsavory behavior at the onset with time, dates, individuals involved, counseling statements (get the picture) there SHOULD be a way to rectify the situation.

Just seems to me from what I’ve heard and seen by others that people are afraid to call others to the carpet (so to speak) and get to the bottom of such nonsense. I personally have no time to deal with childish foolishness. Whatever personal problems you have outside of the agency KEEP THEM THERE!

If you hate your job that much FIND SOMETHING ELSE!

Trust me, there are hundreds of individuals who would more than readily take over your position and do an even BETTER job if they are just given the chance!

According to USATODAY, there are 5 common unprofessional workplace behaviors we need to be aware of:

1. Your wild and crazy night

So last night you went out and had the time of your life. You and a group of a dozen of your friends went out on the town, went to all the best bars and night clubs, and you met the most amazing girl (or guy.) You woke up at your friend’s house just in time for work, barely able to remember what happened for the latter half of the evening.

That’s your business. But it’s probably not something you should share with the rest of the office. Sure, it’s great to share some superfluous information about yourself with your colleagues — maybe tell them about your obsession with the TV show America’s Next Top Model. But talking about drinking or a crazy night out with co-workers may be asking for trouble, and it’s best to leave that out of the office.

2. Mr. or Ms. Defensive

In business, not every comment directed your way is going to be positive. Constructive criticism is vitally necessary for any office to run smoothly. Having too thin of a skin, and being unable to handle any type of criticism is unprofessional, but it’s often viewed more as a personality trait than a behavior. “Oh, Joe is just really sensitive about his work” or “Jane really does her best, but she gets upset when someone thinks her work is lacking.”

Why? Aside from the sheer fact that we don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings, Field Law discusses the changing dynamics of the healthcare system and an employee’s need to maintain a currency of professional knowledge. Although the publication refers specifically to the healthcare system, this would really apply in any business system. When employees don’t maintain knowledge in their field, we hear those “this is how we did it when I was trained 10 years ago” responses. Failure to maintain such current knowledge, or seek assistance where needed, may result in a level of insecurity or defensiveness on the part of an employee.

3. Being non-responsive

What do you do when you don’t like the contents of an email? What if it warrants a reply? Ignore it? Ignoring communications is yet another unprofessional behavior. Just about everyone is busy (not just you), and ignoring a problem will not make it go away.

If you make a commitment to a customer, subordinate, your boss, or a co-worker, do you keep that promise? Breaking promises or making promises that you cannot keep falls under this category as well. Be direct and straightforward.

4. Laziness

No one is at 100% all of the time, and you’re going to have those days where you only have about 75% of your energy available for the day. However, the important thing is to give your best every day, no matter what, even if your best is a little tired on Mondays. “If you collect 100 percent of your paycheck, you owe 100 percent work effort,” reads a Compete Outside the Box publication.

Shamming is the act of intentionally avoiding work. Many people place more effort into shamming than they would have to place into simply doing their jobs correctly. For instance, say a cashier has to run back and forth between sitting down in the break room and his register every time a customer comes into the line. He makes 20 trips back and forth, just to get away from his line for a combined total of 12 minutes, while his boss is in the back of the store, unable to see that he’s “shamming.” If the cashier just stayed at his register, he could have placed much less effort into simply standing there waiting for customers.

5. He said, she said

Gossip is a notoriously problematic concern within the workplace. Jane and Joe were talking behind Sue’s back. “She’s so lazy, why did she get the promotion,” one coworker may say about another Or: “Did you hear his wife left him?” the office big mouth says to a group of workers. This type of behavior is not only unprofessional, it causes conflicts and deters collaborative efforts among teams.

Along the same lines, blaming others for your mistakes is also unprofessional. “I wanted to do it the right way, but Joe told me that it was supposed to be done this way.” Taking responsibility for yourself and your actions is a mark of a professional.

(source)


 

Passive-aggressiveness seems to be a common trait.  If an individual doesn’t like your answer, or doesn’t like you…..don’t expect any action, any time soon. And I group that with laziness.  Don’t get me started on THAT one!   😦

I also hear about a lot of office gossip and I for one refuse to partake.  Am here to work, not make someone else’s life miserable.

And don’t get me started on the very personal conversations I’ve overheard through the years. Keep that stuff to yourself or outside of the office.

The solution is really quite simple…clean up your act or leave.

 

Not that difficult.

Lifestyle change

Sometimes it’s harder to implement than to delve up a solution.  Struggling with my weight has always been a constant factor.  Unfortunately I am not blessed with genes which enabled me (in the past and now in the present) to eat whatever I want whenever I want.

Living in a society which markets to the American consumer in such an overindulgent (and unhealthy way) can prove to be quite challenging.

I do admire my husband for his will-power and fortitude to do what’s right and maintain his health.  I, on the other hand, can sometimes talk a lot of hot air. Receiving a recent health scare has made me pause to reconsider what truly is important at this junction of my life.

Do I wish to continue this self-destructive path of glutton want or do I wish to live a healthier and more fruitful life?

It’s quite easy to give in to your desires.  Stress can make you reach for the most unhealthy choices. Every day life happenstance gives us all that comfortable excuse to indulge just a little bit more, that it won’t hurt…for now.

The problem why most diets fail is that again, our American need to “have it right now” fails us.  We expect miraculous results the instant we start changing.

But our bodies, and life…really do not run like that.

We have to be patient, kind with ourselves.  Learn to pace, to give up the sinfully good snacking, incorporate some form of exercise.

But……..WHY does living a healthier lifestyle mean bland choices?????

Also, it’s far cheaper to grab that burger when organics always come with a steep price. Who hasn’t visited a wholefood’s store and seen those jaw-dropping prices?

If I could grow my own produce I would. But since I can’t I have to really work harder to ensure I don’t end up like my parents with their milieu of health problems.

And overcome any mental obstacles along the way.

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A new dawn??

Ferguson, Missouri (CNN) — At least 31 people were arrested in Ferguson after peaceful protests devolved into another night of chaos. And many of those arrested came from as far away as New York and California, said Missouri State Highway Patrol Capt. Ron Johnson early Tuesday.

Johnson didn’t provide additional details, but his remark confirmed what many in Ferguson have been saying all along: the protesters who have turned the nightly demonstrations into tense confrontations with heavily armed police officers aren’t local residents.

 

Police use force as tension grows

 

Police launch tear gas into crowd
 

 

“I’m telling you, we’re going to make this neighborhood whole,” Johnson said. “And I am not going to let criminals that have come out here from across this country or live in this community define this neighborhood and define what we’re going to do to make it right.”

He has a Herculean task ahead of him.

It’s a shame what’s going on in Ferguson. Well, beyond shame really.

And the characters of the individuals who looted, burned, and creating chaos in this area is simply disgusting. Coming from a police family and an extensive military background, it sickens me to hear the vile abuse hurled against cops.

What about the internal crimes repeatedly occurring within these communities?

EVERY week we hear about black on black crime in the St. Louis area. WHERE is the outrage? WHERE are the protests?

WHY can’t communities simply come together (political, religious, and business leaders alike) and denounce the slaughter of young black men from their fellow peers?

TAKE BACK YOUR TOWN FROM ALL THIS LAWLESSNESS.

I already KNOW more community outreach needs to be done between the P.D. and locals…but also addressing the violence WITHIN these communities occurring between themselves needs to S.T.O.P.

There are GOOD people in Ferguson. I know of a few who are in my Army Reserve unit and who work at my agency.  They are heartbroken and angry about what’s happened.  There are outsiders infiltrating into this suburb instigating more violence and chaos.  Good hardworking citizens who are simply trying to put things to order. Instead, the situation has deteriorated. 

Has compassion, understanding, and common sense left??????

Fake on-line persona

I was reading an article regarding a woman’s journey into her ex-boyfriends scandalous cheating ways and how she found out he had a fake Facebook page. You know there’s trouble in paradise when a partner decides to hide something like this from their S.O. (Significant Other).  If said person feels the need to create a fake online persona then there is either something wrong with that person, or with the relationship as a whole.

It irked me to read it. I really should have simply clicked out of there but things like this really stick in my craw.  WHY is it there are individuals out there who slip themselves into someone’s life and ingratiate themselves to said person only to break their hearts later????

WHY do they even get involved?

WHY even fall in love or for that matter “commit.”

If that person is having a difficult time staying true-blue to their partner then:

 

DON’T. GET. INVOLVED!!!!!!!

STAY SINGLE!!!!

YOU DON’T DESERVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!

 

Why put some innocent through torment because you aren’t able to keep yourself together? And while we’re at it…WHY the self-destructive behavior?

And with the Internet at all of our fingertips it makes it that much easier to stray. Yes, am on my soapbox today. The article really struck a nerve. I honestly don’t get these people who feel they have all the rights in the world to screw around on their partner and think nothing of it. I guess there’s no conscious in there. Jiminy Cricket went on vacation.

Welfare verses the General Public

I happened on the Hair Braiders suing Missouri regulators article on the St. Louis Post Dispatch early this morning.  A couple of commentators where appalled that there are welfare recipients who will prim and “look good” on the American tax payer’s dime. It happens.  It happens all the time and yes, it angers this blogger as am sure it does other readers and the American public in general to know that when it comes to spending “our money” priorities are not set straight.

For me it’s not about race, it’s not about a certain class. It’s about a person’s mentality, what they feel are their immediate priorities and of course, on what they feel they are entitled to.

I was on welfare while in college however I worked on campus, was in the Army Reserves (still serving) and had a full load of college courses. Indeed those of us who have used welfare need to set our priorities straight. Now I work for Uncle Sam and continue charging forward as a soldier and am giving back to my country and my community by becoming a productive member of society.

My daughter saw me as an example of what a Hispanic woman could do while raising a child without the father and without child support. You have to grasp life by the horns and take charge. Simple as that. I saw welfare only as a temporary assistance when it was needed and it should only be seen as that unless you are elderly or mentally/physically disabled. Welfare should NOT be seen as a way of life, a get out of jail free card. It’s there for a reason but yes, it does get abused.  Yes, my rant goes off topic on what the article is discussing but am more focused on what the comment section has provided to me, the reader.

I do think Hair Braiders should be licensed. It’s a thriving business here in St. Louis and I do love the look. It is also a very tedious process but once completed creates a well-coiffed appearance.

 

The Power to Choose

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I don’t care for labels because when someone places you into a certain niche it becomes difficult to challenge.

I saw this quote posted on FB and wanted to briefly share my views on abortion.

I am in agreement with Sister Chittister in that if you are pro-life it means you must  realize the repercussions that come with an unexpected pregnancy. This child born to either an unwed or married woman, means his or her life has to have some kind of accountability.  They will need to be fed, clothed,  and educated so that they ultimately become a productive member of society.

If you are against a welfare state, which also includes bringing in unwanted children and caring for them up to the age of 18, your belief in pro-life is a poor decision view  at best.  I think it’s quite hypocritical forcing a woman to have a child and if she is poor or  a teen, you wash your hands after the birth, expecting her to figure out a way to raise it.

I don’t want to get on my soapbox for too long on this subject because it’s quite personal to me. However, with that being said, I feel my blog can be a venue for alerting others regarding this type of political (for it is) and religious thought.

If you are a pro-lifer (which is of course, it’s your right to be,) then it stands to reason you want this child to be able to be afforded the opportunities to live a productive life with ample opportunities to succeed.

If you don’t, if you feel that the child should simply be born and take its chances with the parent(s), then I feel you’re nothing but a hypocrite who gives no real thought to your narrow-minded point of view.

There’s a distinct difference between pro-life and pro-birth.

I don’t feel children should be brought into this world if the parent(s) can’t take care of it.  I believe couples should wait until they are financially AND emotionally ready to bring forth such a gift as a child. For children are a gift.  They are living, breathing, and feeling human beings.  Unfortunately unexpected pregnancies do happen. My hope is that the couple involved take full responsibility over their decision to get pregnant (because it takes TWO to tang0), and come up with a viable solution.

Discrimination has no place in society

Why is it ok for reverse discrimination to take place, for that matter….any type?

 

It’s NEVER ok. I have seen it happen far too many times……I never remain silent.

 

Being of mixed race and my daughter also, I have seen the best and worst in people.

 

Do I condemn every white person for the racism that was thrown at me?

NO.

 

There is so much drama, tragedy and greed in this world WHY add to it?

 

“Once upon a time they was two girls,” I say. “one girl had black skin, one girl had white.”
Mae Mobley look up at me. She listening.
“Little colored girl say to little white girl, ‘How come your skin be so pale?’ White girl say, ‘I don’t know. How come your skin be so black? What you think that mean?’
“But neither one a them little girls knew. So little white girl say, ‘Well, let’s see. You got hair, I got hair.'”I gives Mae Mobley a little tousle on her head.
“Little colored girl say ‘I got a nose, you got a nose.'”I gives her little snout a tweak. She got to reach up and do the same to me.
“Little white girl say, ‘I got toes, you got toes.’ And I do the little thing with her toes, but she can’t get to mine cause I got my white work shoes on.
“‘So we’s the same. Just a different color’, say that little colored girl. The little white girl she agreed and they was friends. The End.”
Baby Girl just look at me. Law, that was a sorry story if I ever heard one. Wasn’t even no plot to it. But Mae Mobley, she smile and say, “Tell it again.”
Kathryn Stockett, The Help

 

“Some white people Hate black people,
and some white people Love black people,
Some black people Hate white people,
and some black people Love white people.
So you see, it’s not an issue of black and white,
it’s an issue of Lovers and Haters.”
― eden ahbez

 

“We can move in that direction as a country, in greater polarization – black people amongst blacks, and white amongst whites, filled with hatred toward one another. Or we can make an effort, as Martin Luther King did, to understand and to comprehend, and replace that violence, that stain of bloodshed that has spread across our land, with an effort to understand, compassion and love…. What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence and lawlessness, but is love and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country, whether they be white or whether they be black.”
Robert F. Kennedy