When your spouse is your best friend

Out of billions of people in this world we choose one person in legal matrimony or civil union to enter our family fold.  They are the first-line witnesses to your good days and bad..riding along beside you on the roller coaster of life.
Shouldn’t it stand to reason that they too are also your best friend.  I mean separate from say your girlfriend or a husband’s best buddy….partners shouldn’t simply have a contractual union but a deep personal one as well.

The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make – not just on your wedding day, but over and over again – and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.

Barbara de Angelis
The catch-22 is not allowing your “friendship” to take over the life you had before getting married. It’s healthy to always have outside interests and friends.  For some of us developing long-lasting and meaningful friendships is difficult.  When you constantly move, like I have via the military and then college, you make strong connections only to lose them because of a geographical divide.
My husband and I are so different in so many ways that it’s incredible we even married. However, those same differences attracted me to him and add spice to our relationship. One thing I have tried not to do, (because this is an easy trap married couples can fall into), is to change my husband. I knew exactly what I was getting into when we married. The only thing I have ever asked is we adhere to having mutual respect for one another and keep an open line of communication. Marriage is hard work. Every day we have to consciously realize this person has made a commitment to us that isn’t through blood.  They chose us for a reason.
With that being said, there are things about my life that are better shared with very few close girlfriends I have known for many years.  They are able to give me the “woman’s perspective” on certain issues.  Women are great communicators and sometimes you simply need that “girl-time.”
Life is about balance.  Too much of a good thing can be bad for you. Let your spouse have their hobbies and sometimes it’s good to actually participate in something that he or she may like.

Below are 25 ways you and your spouse can create a long-lasting loving relationship with friendship as a base:

25 Ways to be a Best Friend to Your Spouse

Loving your spouse for who they are

1. Enjoy your spouse for who they are.

2. Discover and foster mutual interests. Best friends find things they both like to do and continue to develop those mutual interests.

3. Prioritize your spouse.

4. Spend quality time with your spouse.

5. Remind your spouse of their best qualities, especially when they feel vulnerable.

6. Criticize (without being critical). Best friends challenge you to be the best person you can be.

7. Listen, don’t judge. Our friends want to know first and foremost that we understand them.

8. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.

9.  Let it go a bit when your spouse is grumpy. We all have bad days and want our friends to give us wiggle room when we have them.

10. Take notice of your spouse’s favorites. If something is important to your spouse, recognize it, even if it is not important to you.

11. Don’t take advantage of your spouse’s weaknesses. Recognize that your spouse trusts you.

12. Only speak good things about your spouse, every time and to everyone.

13. Defend your spouse in front of others. If someone talks negatively of your spouse, defend them. That is what friends do.

Find activities you can enjoy together

14. Do things for your spouse. You do not need a reason and you should no expect anything in return.

15. Tell your spouse the truth. Sometimes you need to level with your friends in a kind, respectful way.

16. Discuss your hurt or anger with your spouse during disagreements without belittling them.

17. Share in your spouses happiness. It is always more fun to be happy together!

18. Celebrate in your spouses success. If your spouse has accomplished something (even a small something) congratulate and cheer.

19. Share your interests, your thoughts and opinions. It is important to show your spouse you are willing to trust him or her with your thoughts and opinions as well.

20. Communicate clearly. You should not expect your spouse to read your mind. Be clear when expressing your thoughts.

20. Keep your spouses secrets. Your spouse needs to trust that emotions and thoughts shared with you are for your ears only.

21. Accept your spouse’s silence. Respect that sometimes your spouse is not yet ready to talk about something and be patient.

22. Laugh with your spouse.

23. Treat your spouse as your equal. Friendships are a give and take that balances out over your friendship.

24. Support your spouse’s decisions. You may sometimes disagree but in the end do your best to support your spouse in their decision.

25. Be reliable for your spouse. Sometimes we may bail on our spouse because “they will understand”. You should also make every effort to come through with what you said you would do.


Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.

Zig Ziglar

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