Those marital bonds….


In a true partnership, the kind worth striving for, the kind worth insisting on, and even, frankly, worth divorcing over, both people try to give as much or even a little more than they get. ‘Deserves’ is not the point. And ‘owes’ is certainly not the point. The point is to make the other person as happy as we can, because their happiness adds to ours. The point is — in the right hands, everything that you give, you get.
Amy Bloom
Now really, who keeps tally on all the marital “good deeds” and why in the world would someone do this?
I’ve never understood the concept. Am sure not all marriages have this tit-for-tat nonsense. Both individuals need to put their energies into the marriage.  It isn’t 60-40 folks.  If one person is always doing the giving in a matter of time the well will run dry and perhaps the relationship will have unfortunately ran its course.
I’ve seen many break ups because of resentment and a loss of faith.  There is so much one individual can do before they finally decide to give up.  If the same problem keeps creeping up it’s ugly head and no solution is found then is it any wonder the relationship fails?
Continuing to forgive someone’s transgressions becomes tedious to the point you want to simply give up.
What’s the point of trying when the other person doesn’t care?
Nagging isn’t the solution. Just causes more of a rift.  Finding the middle ground is key. Marriages have enough to deal with from financial stress, raising kids, infidelity, to our in-laws. WHY should couples add to this toxic mix?
When you marry you establish a life-long bond (one hopes) that the two of you will continue to work together as a team…..keeping in mind your vows, that they were not mere words said in the heat of the moment…but the two of you really took to heart what they meant.
Marriage shouldn’t be a throwaway deal because things aren’t working out.  However, with that being said….if you find yourself contentiously forgiving with no hopes of changed behavior or are facing abuse, financial irresponsibility, etc….then you need to take a long hard look at yourself, at your marriage————–and see if this is what you really want. If it isn’t then move on and if it is work hard, damn hard to save it.  You may even be saving yourself…..just don’t become a fool over it. Be practical, find out what the problems are, address them and move forward, together as a couple with those marital bonds…………..
marriage.p
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