“Like a Columbus of the heart, mind and soul I have hurled myself off the shores of my own fears and limiting beliefs to venture far out into the uncharted territories of my inner truth, in search of what it means to be genuine and at peace with who I really am. I have abandoned the masquerade of living up to the expectations of others and explored the new horizons of what it means to be truly and completely me, in all my amazing imperfection and most splendid insecurity.”
― Anthon St. Maarten
Peace is almost a foreign word to me when it comes to some of the issues cropping up in my life and seeking my “inner truth.” I have always endeavored to squelch my own personal feelings regarding events and issues which go against my beliefs. Sometimes all I want to do is explore new horizons, give in to my own desires and figure out what it truly means to be me.
Being responsible was as much a part of me as breathing. Taking care of others was second nature. If it wasn’t my sister it was my daughter. That’s all good when you look back, but now at 45 I want to focus on myself and live my life the way I wish. I don’t think that’s selfish. I have spent pretty much my entire life always taking care of someone else.
Now, newly married I wish to refocus myself and my energies in give everything I have to my new husband. This doesn’t mean I forget about my family because I’m not. It means that now they are grown and there’s no need for me to lead them by the hand, instead I can take a step back and give advice, when warranted but I am no longer 100% responsible over someone else.
Since childhood, women were automatically expected to be self-sacrificing…to put their feelings last and I think that’s unfair. I feel it brings about an unhealthy balance and creates depression, anxiety, weight gain, etc……
We are taught to seek inner strength in putting others first, especially our family and loved ones. That’s fine, nothing wrong with it but when you consistently set your dreams aside for someone elses’s I don’t consider that living.
We all want a little piece of that pie whatever that slice is…..a good job, nice car, stable family life….we want it all and why shouldn’t we? If you worked hard your entire life to meet other people’s goals when is it your turn to meet yours???????????
I am personally tired of trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations of me. I think I’ve done quite fine with my education, military background, and stable career. I have always made sure my family never had to want for or to need anything.
The balance is figuring out that sometimes we have to put ourselves first, by doing so we are giving ourselves the ability and strength to take care of others.