When a wife leaves

divorce_figurinesA childhood friend of mine recently posted on Facebook that his wife left him and their 6 kids.  Now, personally I would never post something so personal on social media.  I also know this person had a previous drug habit however he did seek rehabilitation and has a good job which pays for his lifestyle and for his children to live comfortably.

I always think about what would motivate a woman to leave her husband?

Various articles I have read show that women tend to initiate.  Why?

American Law and Economics Review published an article by Margaret F. Bring and Douglas W. Allen, regarding the American divorce rate.  According to their article, which covers well over 100 years of research (1867 to 1995), analyzed the percentages of divorce between men and women with women initiating the divorce at a staggering 68.9%.  Only 1 out of 25 marriages did men initiate divorce proceedings. What is surprising, and the study also mentions, is that women typically would end up earning less than the man once divorced.  So, begging the question…what causes a woman to lose faith in her husband?

One website, Your Tango lists the top 10 reasons as to why women leave:

  1. Infidelity
  2. Incompatible
  3. Drinking/Drug Use
  4. Grew Apart
  5. Personality problems
  6. Lack of communication
  7. Physical or mental abuse
  8. Loss of love
  9. Not meeting family obligations
  10. Employment problems

Then we take a look at middle-aged women and their divorce rate and again the stats are high, according to the article: Women initiate divorce 66% of the time:  Why do they want to get married?

“The majority of midlife divorces are initiated by women. Don’t believe it? In the AARP survey, 66 percent of women reported that they asked for the divorce, compared with 41 percent of men. And men more often than women were caught off-guard by their divorce..”

“The perceived benefits of divorce differ by gender. Women were far more likely than men to say that having their own self-identity was a top reward….
…….43 percent of women said they emerged from the split against remarriage.

Only 33 percent of men said they wouldn’t remarry.”

Before, women remained married “because they had to” for economic reasons and the rearing of children; however, with women’s lib and expanding career opportunities, more and more women are relying on themselves to remain self-sufficient/financially independent.

Personally, the high number surprised and sadden me.  For myself, marriage is sacred and it will always take a lot of hard work even during the good times.  If you are faced with bumps on the road then you work things out together. However, with that being said, if those obstacles continue cropping up and no resolution is found then either find some sort of counseling or yes, divorce is in order, but not before you give your marriage enough time to recoup from whatever issues are plaguing it.

For my childhood friend, I really do hope he and his wife are able to work things out and not just for the children.  I don’t believe couples should remain married if their marriage is unhealthy/abusive.  That only does a disservice to the kids.

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