“Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.
To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take…If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation…It takes a lifetime to learn another person…When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.”
― Madeleine L’Engle, The Irrational Season
Indeed….marriage is difficult only because you really have to work at it. Your spouse is not blood relation. He or she chose you out of millions of individuals to spend the rest of their life with. Which puzzles me as to why the American divorce rate is so high. And I don’t believe in unconditional love. Save that for your fairy tales.
Why is it when we select an individual, (thinking they’ll be with us through thick and thin…for better or for worse,) yet we still see more than half of American marriages failing?
What is it exactly about this holy sacrament which people seem to blatantly disregard? Do they think it’s all a party???? That when times are tough you have every right to bail? 😦
I see only two instances when a person should divorce:
Yes………….This leaves a lot of leg room to work on your problems together.
Sure there will be times you’ll take a look at your husband/wife and want to choke the living hell out of them but that’s not a prudent thing to do. Also, sitting on your problems and not discussing them as they occur is a recipe for disaster. Resentment can quickly build up along with grudges. No one is perfect, not you…not your spouse.
I wish there was some kind of magical answer which can solve all of our marital woes but there’s not. All we have is each other and our ability to communicate.
So why is it so hard to discuss these issues with your mate??? Why?
Afraid of the answers? The unknown????
Many of us will remain in loveless or abusive relationships because that’s “what we’re used to,” or we think this is about as good as it gets.
Counseling is out there, and am sorry to say this but dumping all your problems on your family or friends will cause them to eventually see your spouse as the enemy and they will do everything in your power to disconnect you from that relationship and irreparably harm your marriage.
I strongly believe in couple’s therapy. If your spouse won’t agree to it and for at least one session, find out why…why are they afraid of confronting their inner demons. Are they afraid you’ll stop loving them?
Again, stewing on a problem is only going to make it worse for the both of you. The first step towards a new beginning begins with one of you opening up. And if it isn’t them it has to be you.