Why is it that women tend to be the ones who leave a marriage? Is it due to dissatisfaction, infidelity? Boredom?
What happened to the unconditional love pledged to each other at their wedding?
What causes a woman to fall out of love with their partner?
I am focusing on the “gentler” of the genders because, of course, I am a woman…..I am puzzled by the US divorce rate. One reason I delayed marrying. I did not want to end up in such a negative statistic. The researcher in me is forever curious about this holy institution.
According to Dr. Willard F. Harley in his article: Why do women leave men he feels that the marital gender roles have become more complex:
Women tend to be more concerned about their marriages than men. They buy most of the books on marriage to try to improve them and initiate most marriage counseling. They often complain about their marriages to their closest friends and sometimes to anyone who will listen. And they also file for divorce twice as often as men.
Each day I am confronted by women who are extremely frustrated with their marriages. They usually express no hope that their husbands will ever understand what it is that frustrates them, let alone change enough to solve the problem. From their perspective, marital problems are created by their husbands who do little or nothing to solve them. Wives tend to see themselves as the major force for resolving conflicts, and when they give up their effort, the marriage is usually over.
When I talk to their husbands, they usually have a very different explanation as to why their wives feel the way they do. They often feel that the expectations of women in general, and their wives in particular, have grown completely out of reach. These men, who feel that they’ve made a gigantic effort to be caring and sensitive to their wives, get no credit whatsoever for their sizeable contribution to the family. They feel under enormous pressure to improve their financial support, improve the way they raise their children, and improve the way they treat their wives. Many men I see are emotionally exhausted and feel that for all their effort, they get nothing but criticism.
The simpler role of husbands in decades past has now been replaced by a much more complex and confusing role, especially in their relationship with their wives. Some conclude that women are born to complain and men must ignore it to survive. Others feel that women have come to expect so much of men that they are impossible to please, so there’s no point in even trying. Very few men, these days, feel that they have learned to become the husbands that their wives have wanted, and the job seems to be getting more and more difficult.
I agree (in part) regarding the change of gender roles however, with that being said, it is important irregardless of what was mentioned, open communication with the couple remains healthy. Trust is paramount in any relationship, especially so in a marriage.
Those of us who are married we will face spousal dischord…hell, we do with our own blood relatives! Just don’t lose sight as to what brought the two of you together. Sit down and TALK IT OUT! If your husband is not much of a communicator then slowly (and patiently) find out what’s troubling him. If you tend to constantly criticize, back off.…try praising him and see what happens. And for the men…take an active interest in your wife’s life….take her out on a date once in awhile away from the kids (if they still live at home)….a weekend getaway..help around the house or divide up the chores (equally)….a little goes a long way. 🙂