“The forsaking of all others is a keeping of faith, not just with the chosen one, but with the ones forsaken. The marriage vow unites not just a woman and a man with each other; it unites each of them with the community in a vow of sexual responsibility toward all others. The whole community is married, realizes its essential unity, in each of its marriages…
Marital fidelity, that is, involves the public or institutional as well as the private aspect of marriage. One is married to marriage as well as to one’s spouse. But one is married also to something vital of one’s own that does not exist before the marriage: one’s given word. It now seems to me that the modern misunderstanding of marriage involves a gross misunderstanding and underestimation of the seriousness of giving one’s word, and of the dangers of breaking it once it is given. Adultery and divorce now must be looked upon as instances of that disease of word-breaking, which our age justifies as “realistic” or “practical” or “necessary,” but which is tattering the invariably single fabric of speech and trust.
(pg.117, “The Body and the Earth”)”
― Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays
According to a recent survey conducted by the National Fatherhood Institute the following are the top reasons for US divorces:
- Lack of commitment by one or both partners,
- Too much arguing
I have always said to anyone who would listen, if you cannot commit to your partner in ALL of these areas: emotionally, financially, and sexually………..then you have absolutely no business being married.
Marital vows should NOT be taken lightly. A lifetime commitment is being made either in front of God or through a civil union,. These vows of loyalty, fidelity, and unselfish love should not be taken lightly and getting married is more than simply a grand party and an expensive vacation. It’s real work coupled with real feelings (good and bad)….it’s a union of hopefully like minds with common goals. And if one partner is either not sure or not willing to give 100% of him or herself to the relationship, to that person, then make damn sure you don’t get married. Why? Because the person in the wrong is the bad guy. They have decided their wants, desires, needs are far more important than that of their spouse. Such selfishness speaks only of a self-centered individual who is only out to please themselves and carries a ton of baggage.
When you vow to commit yourself to another human being you are giving them your word that THIS person is the one you are freely choosing to spend the rest of your life with. Unfortunately, there are individuals out there with either no conscience or simply lack empathy and who are determine to place their needs above everyone else’s.
Steer clear of them, learn the warning signs so you don’t make the same mistake countless others have unfortunately experienced due to blindly pursuing a fantastical perfect union which exists solely within their mind.