A sense of abandonment


When denial (his or ours) can no longer hold and we finally have to admit to ourselves that we’ve been lied to, we search frantically for ways to keep it from disrupting our lives. So we rationalize. We find “good reasons” to justify his lying, just as he almost always accompanies his confessions with “good reasons” for his lies. He tells us he only lied because…. We tell ourselves he only lied because…. We make excuses for him: The lying wasn’t significant/Everybody lies/He’s only human/I have no right to judge him.

Allowing the lies to register in our consciousness means having to make room for any number of frightening possibilities:

• He’s not the man I thought he was.
• The relationship has spun out of control and I don’t know
what to do
• The relationship may be over.

Most women will do almost anything to avoid having to face these truths. Even if we yell and scream at him when we discover that he’s lied to us, once the dust settles, most of us will opt for the comforting territory of rationalization. In fact, many of us are willing to rewire our senses, short-circuit our instincts and intelligence, and accept the seductive comfort of self-delusion.”
Susan Forward, When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal

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How eloquently put….but let’s be fair….women are just as capable and find solicitous comfort within a deceitful world.

My question is…why do people do this?

Why do they feel it’s their God-given right to destroy a relationship, whether it be a marriage, a friendship, or at work…yes there are individuals out there who, for whatever reason, maybe they didn’t feel loved growing up, find it acceptable to deceive.

In all my years, especially during my active duty time, there are individuals who are missing an essential piece of their conscience.  They continue  the same pattern of behavior whether it be passive aggressive in nature or “in your face,” they do it because of some kind of narcissistic need for self-gratification.
Why do I bring this up????????
Because at the age of 45 I have seen far too many broken hearts, stressed out employees,  distraught friends, family members…the list goes on and on.
In the end we are the owners of our hearts, our dreams, our lives…and because of that you shouldn’t feel too sorry for yourself it you “allow” this destructive behavior to continue.
We control our own destinies, including those individuals and events we choose to keep in our lives….change is scary but possible.
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