A lot of us look to our spouses as more than just the man or woman we are in love with. They are also our friends. Without friendship marriage is hallow. Love of course, has to be the lovely bow wrapped over everything but friendship…ah friendship….that helps create a lasting foundation.
Think about what qualities make for a good friendship, what you seek in others. One of them is respect and another, at least for me….is having a good sense of humor. Spouses should be each other’s biggest supporters. We won’t always see eye to eye of course, but in the end, when the tears have been wiped away, and the hurt feelings soothed…we need to be able to feel comfortable enough, love each other enough to come back together. To learn from our mistakes and move forward. Let’s be the ones who wipe away the tears, not create them.
And the KEY is to move forward. Not to dwell, not to dredge up past regressions. Yeah, yeah easier said than done but it’s vital to any marriage, just as it is in friendships, to keep the relationship on an even keel.
Life is stressful enough as it is. Our marriages should be our refuge. Our spouses, people we look forward coming home to. Yes, seems like a daunting responsibility but marriage includes for better or for worse, for richer for poorer….for all the things which life throws at us we work together as a team.
These are a few of the rules I believe in and hope to continue doing with my own spouse:
1. Show in my actions that I love him.
2. Show my appreciation every day.
3. Do not criticize my spouse in public.
4. Learn to admit to my own mistakes/transgressions and learn from them.
5. Give him the best of myself and laugh….learn to laugh together every day.
Think about how you treat your friends, what they mean to you. Your spouse should be on top of this list because you are choosing to spend your life with them. It’s not just on paper that we decide to commit…but in our actions, our words….the emotions we share.
So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me… everyday.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook