SEPERATE BUT EQUAL


Being married is by no means a walk in the park.  It takes a lot of love, patience, and tons of understanding.

With that being said, those of us who are newly wed realize how difficult this can sometimes be.  We are used to having things done our way and when you get to be my age, you’ve spent the most part of your life living life the way you see fit.  Bringing another individual into this equation can be quite daunting.  At 44 I am very set in my ways.  I am not used to sharing my space. Well, I did for a little while, but that relationship is very very different from the one I currently have.

What I am also coming to realize is that I need a separate life from my husband.  He has his own circle of friends and activities that at times do not include me.  I realize I need to branch out and find individuals with similar interests so that my life is well-balanced. My life is primarily comprised of work and family.  I am a bit of loner and am content with my own company.  I have found through the years people can be quite disappointing so I prefer solitude.  I think I would do well in the country with my writing, my books, and nature.

Communication is critical in nurturing a healthy marriage.  Resenting your spouse’s activities will only create animosity and will ultimately develop into a toxic relationship.  Being able to trust your spouse while he/she is away is the key.  If they have broken that trust, I feel, (and anyone can step in), it is up to them to get back into your good graces.  I have not done anything in my past to be ashamed of or to apologize for.  My name, my word is solid.

I know how trust can be a huge issue in any relationship whether it be a marriage, friendship, familial, or any other type of monogamous relationship.  If a partner feels that they cannot remain faithful then it is a huge disservice to the other person to remain. It’s like having a big elephant in the room no one wishes to address.

And why stay? Why put someone through such drama? Grief?  It’s pure selfishness on their part on SO many levels.  If your partner has cheated yes, you can try forgiving but if it happens again then it’s time to leave because a pattern has been set and there is no way you can recover from a serial cheater. There are so many other wonderful opportunities out there you can explore instead of staying with someone who treats you with such blatant disrespect.

Establishing a solid trusting relationship will help create a loving and long lasting marriage.  Both of you will have similar interests and do many things together. And, when apart, trust in your partner that while he/she is away your happiness, and respect for who you are, will always remain in the forefront.

“I think of how each person in a marriage owes it to the other to find individual happiness, even in a shared life. That this is the only way to grow together, instead of apart.”
― Emily Giffin, Heart of the Matter

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