Autonomy


Developing a new relationship can be exhilarating yet scary at the same time.  You know that feeling when you initially meet someone and you instantly click?  There’s that ever-present smile…your heart races when your with them? It’s almost like a drug and is typically called the “honeymoon” stage. You look forward to the next date and eventually after many more you form a bond, sometimes it can happen sooner than others.  Responsibilities towards one another develop and you begin to establish (consciously or not) relationship rules.

And out of all this you maintain your autonomy.  Never forget the person you were prior to coming together.  Relationships aren’t simple. God knows they aren’t.  In the beginning it’s full of potential, they are certainly not static nor certain.  Relationships evolve over time.  They are work…anyone who says when you love someone it isn’t doesn’t know what they are talking about.  Loving someone is not effortless per se….it takes a lot of dedication, consideration, and working together towards common goals and you grow together. It means talking through your fights and you don’t keep score.  It’s a balancing act that you want to take on.

I do not want to be with someone who blindly worships me.  If he cannot give me my “me” time then I know the relationship will probably crumble.  At the same time being with someone means I need some kind of a challenge, but in a healthy way of course. Of course we all need that emotional connection in our relationships.  We are social beings and feed back is so important in order to move it forward.

It’s important to to discuss differences in the relationship.  This should evolve towards the beginning and you’ll notice these differences once you spend enough time together.

“in flow, the relationship between what a person had to do and what he could do was perfect. The challenge wasn’t too easy.  Nor was it too difficult. It was a notch or two beyond his current abilities, which stretched the body and mind in a way that made the effort itself the most delicious reward. That balance produced a degree of focus and satisfaction that easily surpassed other, more quotidian, experiences. In flow, people lived so deeply in the moment, and felt so utterly in control, that their sense of time, place, and even self melted away. They were autonomous, of course. But more than that, they were engaged.”
Daniel H. Pink

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