The expectations of the “good child” the responsible adult can sometimes be as much as a burden as being the black sheep of the family.
I say this because there are times when I feel like I have to live up to everyone else’s ideal, being the perfect child, perfect mother, perfect employee….it is utterly exhausting.
There are times I want to break free of these chains….
Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and if I want to break free of the person I’ve been molded into people will be disappointed.
I also think of the alternative…being irresponsible, carefree, not giving a damn and sure it has its place but not in everyday life. Perhaps choosing an area that it is “safe” to be “irresponsible” is in and of itself being responsible. However the military taught me the positive attributes of being a leader, a “good person.”
I think what molds my character can be summed up in the following quote:
The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs. ~Joan Didion
For I know not another way to be. 😦