(source:  AmericanCatholic.org)

Having been raised Roman Catholic pretty much from the womb all I have known through my young adult life were the beautiful rituals which were geared towards the seven sacraments which lead us towards a state of grace:

  • Baptism
  • Eucharist
  • Reconciliation
  • Confirmation
  • Marriage
  • Holy Orders
  • Anointing of the Sick

I have been through all but Holy Orders and Marriage.  When I suffered through a bout of pancreatitis I was given the anointment of the sick due to the gravity of my situation.  Mom was there and it was a solemn moment.  I remembered when I survived that ordeal (for I was in the hospital a month and was hooked up to IV’s and a PIC line) my health was touch-n-go, I was so grateful to be alive and I thanked God for getting me through this ordeal.

My faith is basic, no fancy trimmings. I believe in God, I believe Jesus died for our sins and that is that.  I don’t try to make myself into something I am not. I don’t go out preaching the gospel because it’s not my thing. And if that’s something that you do then good for you. Myself, I just try to live the best I can, be kind and generous to others and live my life as uncomplicated as possible.

So, it was a shock to me that I was not granted absolution regarding a situation I have found myself in and wondered to myself would God be so unjust as to not forgive me when there is so much more going on in this world deserving of His attention?

From what I understand, and will put into basic terms here, Catholics believe sin holds equal weight…doesn’t matter what “type” of sin it is…a sin is a sin and you have to be truly sorry in order to be absolved.

So, for the life of me I will never understand seeing the throngs of people who receive communion and I KNOW that they have to be repeating the same sins over and over. So are THEY truly sorry?

I don’t go to communion because I know I will repeat the same sin.  I try not to judge but in all my years of being Catholic this is the first time my sins were not forgiven and makes me pause to wonder if being a Catholic is where I was meant to be…….


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