ARE men wired differently?

I have read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus when it comes to communication styles and when dealing with the male species makes me think you guys ARE wired differently.

Women are taught from the start to put other people’s feelings first above our own, we will sometimes do this to the detriment of ourselves because we are taught to always be giving, to be the caretaker; and, when a friend or family member is upset we will move Heaven and Earth to try and fix the problem or at the very least…talk it out or give a good hug.

Women tend to verbalize their emotions while men, it seems to me, will act upon them.  According to Dr Deborah Tennan in her article, You Just Don’t Understand, she states the following regarding male communication style:

…that men are confused by the various ways women use conversation to be intimate with others. One of these ways she calls “troubles talk.” She says, “For women, talking about troubles is the essence of connection. I tell you my troubles, you tell me your troubles, and we’re close. Men, however, hear troubles talk as a request for advice, so they respond with a solution.” When a man offers this kind of information the woman often feels as if he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off.

In his eyes, he’s being supportive, because men don’t talk to each other about their troubles unless they really do want a solution; talking about their problems is wallowing in them. The man doesn’t realize that his woman was simply trying to establish a certain kind of intimacy with him–inviting him to reciprocate and share himself with her. Because of these essential differences in approach, Tannen says that the most common complaint she hears from men about women “…is that women complain all the time and don’t want to do anything about it…Men misunderstand the ritual nature of women’s complaining.”


I have seen this type of misunderstanding ALL the time when it comes to relationships.  The woman wants to vent, wants to spill her guts while the man is wracking his brain to figure out how to fix this.

Sometimes he can’t fix it, and the BEST thing to do is to simply  l.i.s.t.e.n.  Listening can mean the difference between the woman being able to ressolve the problem on her own, him helping her solve it, or simply being a shoulder to cry on and give her some emotional relief.

I am not advocating that women bitch to their man over every single life mishap because then the man will typically tune this out.  But it is nice to at least have someone once in a while be in your corner when things go South.



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