You Know You’re Puerto Rican If….

I highlighted the ones I know personally:

• You’ve ever used your lips to point something out.
• You’ve ever been hit with “chancletas”, “la correa”, or the cord
  of “la plancha”.
• You get really scared whenever someone mentions “El Cuuuuuco!!!”
• You’ve gone to Titi’s house and passed through the “bead
  curtain” in the living room.
• You step into a house that has all those little figurines taking
  up every inch of space on the TV and under the TV.
• Your mother has a porcelain cat, dog, Buddha or elephant in her living room.
• Almost everyone you know is nicknamed “mira”.
• You’ve eaten “esporsoda” with butter.
• You have a perpetually drunk neighbor.
• You know your mom is sneaking up on you because you can hear the ‘clack-clack’ of her “chancletas”.
• Someone in you family is name “Maria”.
• You have actually met several people named “Jesus”.
• You treat fevers with “alcoholado”.
• You know “Don Francisco” from “Sabado Gigante”.
• You need a cup of coffee after every meal.
• One of your aunts weighs over 300 pounds.
• You have a delinquent cousin.
• Your uncle owns more gold than the jewelry shop down the street.
• You’ve sat in a two-passenger car with over seven people in it,
  and there’s a person shouting “Subete que caben mas!”.
• You put a big Puerto Rican flag on your car come June.
• You’ve sung “Japi Beldei Two Yuuuu” more than you care to
  remember.
• You know at least four of your last names.
• You scrunch up your nose to ask a silent “que ?”.
• You’ve ever left grass out for the camels on the night of Jan.
  6th., instead of leaving milk and cookies for Santa Claus on Christmas.
• You remember Ricky Martin as the little one from Menudo.
• You were raised on Goya products (Si es Goya, tiene que ser bueno).
• You consider the bad luck day to be “Tuesday” (not Friday the
  13th).
• You ever wished El Chapulin Colorado would come and save you.
• You’ve dropped food on the floor, picked it up, and eaten it
  after saying “lo que no mata engorda”.
• Your sofa or rug is covered in plastic.
• You start clapping when your plane hits the runway.
• Your cousins have “original” names, like a blend of their
  parent’s names (ViMari = Victor + Maria)
• Your mother, tia, or hermana’s hair is black cherry, “sun in”
  red, or a burgundy that would make Celia Cruz jealous.
• You go to a wedding or Quinceanera party, gossip about how bad the food is, but take a plate to go.
• You can dance to merengue, cumbia, or salsa without music.
• You think Christina can beat Oprah any day.
• You can get to your house blindfolded because the smell of
  chuletas is SO strong.
• Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner when you live in a one bedroom apartment.
• Telenovenas have the status of holy ceremonies.
• You think platanos are a whole separate food group.
• You have a picture of “Cristo” in your house.
• You think your name begins like this: “Ave Maria Purisima, __________”.
• You walk around saying “Chacho”, or “Chacha” or “Ay Bendito”.
• Others tell you to stop screaming when you’re really talking.
• You know someone who drives a “Cheby”.
• You call all sneakers “tenis”.
• All breakfast cereals are called “Con Fley”.
• All tissue papers are called “Klinex”.
• All brands of diapers are called “Pampel”.
• A balanced meal consists of rice and beans and some kind of meat.
• You know the difference between “Carolina Rice” and everything else.
• You appreciate the difference between “Agua de Florida” and
  “Superior 70″.
• You have a great uncle that had more than three wives.
• You’ve put a penny on your forehead to stop a nosebleed.
• Your mother has put a balled up piece of thread on your baby
  cousin’s forehead to stop her hiccups.
• The thought of eating fried pork intestines filled with blood
  and rice reminds you of Christmas.
• You have at least 30 cousins. At least!
• You know how to drive an “estandar” or “estic chift” car.
• You can tell the difference between “Cafe Crema” and “Bustelo”.
• And last, but not least:
• Your grandmother thinks Vick’s Vapor Rub is the miracle cure for everything!